Wellbeing and relationships
Remember, if you’re struggling, you’re not alone.
All ostomates are affected differently after surgery. For some, it can be a great relief after years of pain. For others, it can leave them feeling low and alone.
It’s important to speak to someone about your problems so they can help you work through them and understand the source of the problem, such as social anxiety, a feeling of loss for your old body, worries about personal relationships, or anything else that might be concerning you.
Your stoma nurse will be able to offer you support and help resolve any concerns you may have. Regardless of the stoma type, there are a number of great charities and support groups that can help, including:
Do I talk to friends and family?
Relationships can be tricky at the best of times. We all have different ways of coping with issues and different types of relationships. However, talking to friends and family and opening up to how you feel can often help you feel better.
But remember, you don’t have to tell anyone about your stoma if you don’t want to – the choice is yours and it may be that you feel most comfortable telling just those you are closest to.
Do I need to tell a new partner?
You don’t need to tell them straight away and you can see how the relationship progresses.
If you do decide to tell them, try and relax and not let it worry you. Perhaps calmly discuss the reasons why you had surgery and explain the positives of having a stoma to them e.g. perhaps you were in severe pain prior to your surgery and the stoma has given you the opportunity to live a fuller life.
Remember that they may need some time to process the information as they may not have heard about stomas before. If it seems to be a big issue for them however, remember that it’s their problem and not yours!
Colostomy UK has a number of volunteers of all genders who are willing to talk in confidence about any concerns you may have.
To arrange a call with them, visit: www.colostomyuk.org/information/love-and-relationships/